Guest Post : Conspirasteve!

The Enemies List

Greetings and salutations to all dear readers of Dawhite's stellar yet underutilized blog spot. It has been more than a few months since I have bestowed the humble, yet exciting, mostly convoluted, trappings of the Conspirasteve inner sanctum of round table discussion forums upon Dawhite's staid yet brave readership. However, dear readers, after must discussion, ballyhoo and bravado from various members of said round table, I have declared ENOUGH! Yes of course names were named, fingers were pointed, drunkenness and fights ensued. However! We have come to the point of action! The here, the now, so on and so forth. While there was a multitude of venal and vicious villains which we could vilify on this list, it became apparent that this list would be a list of One. One you ask? With all the worthwhile vermin worthy of scorn? Indeed, dear readers of Dawhites esteemed blog, One.
While there were a multitude of villainous candidates deserving honorable mention, such as: Milkshake's mustache, Sean Hannity, rigid mountain bike forks, body surfing and Dabby , to name a few who had the dubious distinction of being discussed in our round table forum. Their's was but a veneer of viciousness on the Conspirasteve nation body politic. Never truly rising to the level of "Numero Uno" so to speak.

So without further ado:
1: This creature goes by many names, The Mt St Helens Gorilla, Devil Monkey, Skukum , Sasquatch, Big Foot, and my favorite OH-MAN.( no shit, that's actually a name).
Growing up in the Pacific N.W. I have heard plenty of tales surrounding this mythical monster over the years, mostly full of shit, but exciting all the same. My favorite coming from my Dad's one armed friend who purported to have lost his arm when he and his friends were attacked by a roving gang of Big Foots ( or would that be Big Feet?) but I digress....Ok where was I?.. oh yeah..in the Mt St Helens National Forest. He apparently escaped in the back of my Dad's pickup. Unfortunately for him one of the Sasquatches grabbed a hold of his arm while my Dad floored it and ripped his arm off...good times.

NO dear reader this story is a far cry from the reason OH-MAN is the king of all enemies..I know what you're asking yourself..."why why why" ?...The reason for the election of the Devil Monkey is placed squarely in hands of this blogs author, none other than Dawhite himself. I'll get to the point. I had the pleasure of camping with Dawhite and ten other virtuous souls on a Death March at the American Ridge Lodge on or around January of 2008. From the cabin we had a view of an ancient ski slope roughly 1/4 mile long, 100 feet wide at which seem to be of a 45 degree angle. A good portion of the group were casing the slope to decide at which angle we should try to commit suicide that night by whisky and sled. When a bi-pedal humanoid creature roughly 9 feet tall crossed the top of the slope.. Of course this being a Death March I quickly numbed my fear by doing shots and making fun of Rev Phil. All was well until Dawhite recounted the story to me this past weekend by campfire mere moments before I retired for the evening.
From that moment on, until the daybreak, every whistling of the leaves or steps of a small forest creature sent Conspirasteve Nation straight to defcon 5! It was just a matter of moments before the Devil Monkey would be pulling my spine out and using it as a tooth pick. And for disturbing my slumber, YOU Sasquatch have the dubious distinction of being #1 on Conpirasteve nations Enemies List. Congrats.